Now please. Sit back. Relax. And join us in the celebration....
of MOTHERHOOD!
YAAAAY!
WOO HOO!
AWESOME!
EVEN BETTER!
M: Oh my gosh! This is like your fifth drink in the last half hour! I'm getting you one more and that's it! No more! OK?
SF: O-K! MOMMY!
(Phone ringing)
M: Hello?
L: Hi. This is ____ from Dr. ____'s office. We have an emergency report we need you to type up ASAP.
M: Okay. I'll get right on that.
L: Okay. Great. We're watching for it to come over the FAX machine. The doctor needs it right away.
M: Yeah. Okay. No problem.
(Phone hangs up)
M: Now. Where was I? Ah yes. The hallway mess. I wonder if my vacuum can suck all of those big pretzels up. All I know is I am NOT getting on my hands and knees and picking each one of those up individually, so this better work.
(Vacuum turns on and starts to suck up the pretzel mess. Suddenly it stops.)
M: What? No. Did I just break the vacuum? Great. Just great.
SF: Hi mommy.
M: (Sighs) Sylvie-Faye! I should have known it was you.
SF: S'all done, mommy. S'all done.
M: No, Sylvie, it's not all done. Please give me that cord, so I can plug it back in.
(Phone ringing)
M: Hello?
L: Hi. This is __________ calling from Dr. ______'s office. We got your husband's culture results back. He has an infection called MRSA. It's deadly and highly contagious, so you'll want to sanitize your entire house, not sleep in the same bed with your husband and try to keep contact with him to a minimum.
M: Oh my gosh. Really?
L: Yes. I'm calling in a prescription for him right away. You need to pick it up ASAP and have him start taking it right now.
M: Okay.....thanks....I guess.
(Phone hangs up)
M: Oh my gosh. I can't deal with that right now. I'm completely overwhelmed. I need to get that report done. They're waiting at that other office.
SF: Mommy, want more dink.
M: OH MY GOSH! NO!
SF: MOMMY! WANT DINK!
M: NO!
SF: SYLBIE WANT DINK WIGHT NOW!
M: MOMMY WANT SYLBIE GO NIGH NIGHT!
SF: No!
M: Yes!
SF: Aaaaaaahhhhhh!
M: AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!
M: That's it! Where's the phone?
(Dialing) - Beep Beep Bop Bo Beep Bop Boop!
Ring. Ring………Ring Ring…….
D: Hello?
M: You need to come home right now!
D: Why?
M: It's the children!
D: What happened?
M: Nothing yet, but if you don't get home in thirty minutes, you're gonna' be walking into a live taping of CSI.
D: (Sighs) Hold on a sec. (Turns to boss) I need to go home. My wife is losing her mind.
BOSS: Your wife is always losing her mind.
D: I know. I know. But at least she's consistent. That's a good quality, right?
BOSS: (Scratching his goatee) Hmmm….good point. OK. Go on home.
D: Okay. I'm coming home right now.
M: 30 minutes.
D: I'm coming as fast as I can.
M: 30 MINUTES!
D: I can't control traffic, babe. It might be a mess out there on the freeway.
M: 30 MINUTES OR IT'S CSI! YOUR CHOICE! Oh, and by the way, I just got a phone call from the doctor's office. You're dying of MRSA and you need to start the antibiotic ASAP.
D: Oh my gosh! Are you serious?
M: It depends. Will it help you get home any faster?
D: Uhhh. Wow. I don't know what to say. I'm completely in shock. Am I really going to die? Is that what they said?
M: Hey, we're all gonna' die eventually, ok? Just - for you it's coming a lot faster.
D: Oh my gosh. I'm gonna die.
M: Yep. You're gonna die. The children are gonna die. We're all gonna die. So, hurry up and get home so we can get on with it already, okay?
D: Uhhh…..okaaay.
M: Great. See you in 30.
Click.
You have just witnessed a day in the life of Kristin "Psycho Serial Killer in the Making" Coppee.
7 comments:
That was legendary...
How did you survive that day?!?!?
OMG! You make me laugh! You need to just sit down and start writing a book about your life, because it would be as best seller! I just love reading your blog! TFS!
Wow that was intense! Did Sylvie ever get her Dink? That's what I wanna know.
Kids? That sounds nice, where do I get some.
LOL...that is hilarious! Sounds like my crazy days...I have too many of them. Sylvie is hilarious...she is SO the boss...LOL!
Loved the toilet scene...
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