Forgive me, but I must vent. Jennifer Garner Affleck is up for "Mother Of The Year". I'm not kidding. Celebrityland is posting it everywhere - magazines, celebrity news shows, etc. Now, I love Jennifer Garner. Well...not LOVE...but, you know what I mean - I like her. I respect her. I'm sure she had nothing to do with the nomination. She might even agree with my rant.Anyway, I decided to do a little research and find out what the big fuss was about. I came to discover that Jennifleck (Couldn't use Bennifer - that was wasted on J.Lo) is being nominated because:
1. She takes her daughter to the park.
2. She doesn't use a full-time nanny.
3. She takes her daughter to the park. (I know, I already said that - I'm proving a point)
4. Her daughter always looks so happy.
5. She takes her daughter on set and spends time with her in between takes.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! THAT'S what it takes to get a "Mother Of The Year" nomination?
(Violet is cringing because even SHE knows that's just wrong!)Well, heck! I'm up for Mother of The Universe for:
1. Taking my kids to the play area at the mall three times a week.
2. Not using a nanny or a babysitter or anything because I can't stinkin' afford it!
3. Taking my kids to the play area at the mall THREE TIMES A WEEK!
4. My kids always look happy - 'cause I let them eat fruit snacks three times in a row just to get them off my back so I can get some typing done for a second!
5. I have to work a full time typing job with two toddlers destroying my house and fighting with each other all day long and I haven't killed them yet!!
Here, Jennifleck! Here's a little poem I wrote about my life to help you understand why I laugh at the idea that you're up for Mother Of The Year! Try this on for size:
When mommy has to work
The kids destroy the house
I never know they're doing it
They're quiet as a mouse
The kids destroy the house
I never know they're doing it
They're quiet as a mouse
When John John goes to see his dad
The dishes don't get done
The trashes don't get taken out
'Cause those are not my job
The dishes don't get done
The trashes don't get taken out
'Cause those are not my job
My job is just to sit here
In this office chair and type
And type and type and eat and type
And type all day and night
In this office chair and type
And type and type and eat and type
And type all day and night
I'm trying not to go insane
From all the children's "FUN"
But when mommy stops dead in her tracks (with disbelief and her head starts to tic and her eye twitches and her jaw drops)
The children better RUN!!!!!!!
From all the children's "FUN"
But when mommy stops dead in her tracks (with disbelief and her head starts to tic and her eye twitches and her jaw drops)
The children better RUN!!!!!!!
As you can clearly see - they're not afraid of ME!
5 comments:
THAT's why I didn't get nominated...I forgot to take my kids to my movie set...dang it..next year...I'll get nominated for SURE...lol! Love celebrities...they get praise for doing mediocre crap that everyone else does on the planet EVERYDAY! WOO HOO!
Hahaha! You are stinking hilarious! I love you! Thank you for making me laugh & showing pictures of your house. Um, no, I'm not laughing at your house. Really! Oh, shoot, now you're mad at me and you are going to write about how I shouldn't be mother of the year because I have a clean house and I neglect my kids to clean it. Haha, little do you know, my house is a wreck AND it's 1pm and they are still in their pajamas and haven't had lunch yet! Ha! Too bad I don't have a blog anymore because I might have even posted the pictures to prove it.
April, that's it! I'm doing a post about how MAD I am at you.
seriously you crack me up, and i totally agree with you! stupid celebs! as if being rich wasn't enough now they have to get awards for making a poor atempt at doing what the rest of us call life!
ha ha ha ha ha That's hysterical!
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