It's Not A Tumor

I'm feeling a little embarrassed right about now. Let me explain:

I have been feeling crummy for approximately 2 1/2 weeks now. It started out with extreme nausea and weird aches and pains. I decided I had the flu. I laid on my couch a couple of days moaning and groaning and not eating a thing because the thought or smell of food made me sick.

A week later, I was still nauseated. Now I was getting constipated. I had lost eight pounds, but my stomach was bloating out funny. My pelvic area got weird stabbing cramps in it occasionally and then it would just throb in certain areas. I decided this was not the flu and something was seriously wrong with me. I decided to wait a few more days and see what happened.

A few days later my chest felt heavy. It was hard to breathe. I had ZERO energy and I just wanted to sleep all day and all night. I decided I was run down from the holidays and it was taking its toll on my body. I also attributed this to high stress. I decided to get more sleep, eat better, and try to relax.

By two weeks of pain and suffering, I decided I could potentially be dying. It seems like everyone around me is getting cancer and it runs strong on both sides of my family. I got on the Internet and looked up pancreatic cancer. I don't know why. I guess starting with the deadliest, worst form of cancer seemed like a good place. That way I could work my way down and by the time I found MY form of cancer, it wouldn't seem so bad.

The pancreatic cancer website listed the symptoms of it and I had none.

Then off to the left of the screen a little side bar said, "Try Searching Ovarian Cancer".

I looked up ovarian cancer and read down its list of 8-10 symptoms. I had them all. My heart stopped a second. I swallowed hard and read on. It's the second deadliest cancer. There is no cure. It's hard to detect. Suddenly I felt weaker. My mind began to work over time. What would Bertrand do alone with all of the kids? How would they live without me? I wouldn't get to see my babies grow up. I wouldn't get to become a rock star or a writer. This was it. Whatever I'd accomplished up to this point - done. I was through. I started trying to come to terms with the idea that I could be dying. How long would I live - I wondered.

I began to tell a few close friends about my symptoms and my discovery and my fears. Every single one of them said, "Oh, it sounds like you're just pregnant. That's all."

"No", I explained. "That's impossible" and then I proceeded to explain why, which I will spare you the explanation because it's very personal and a bit embarrassing. But in my mind there was just absolutely NO WAY I could be pregnant. It wasn't scientifically or humanly possible. In my mind it defied nature.

Tuesday night I awoke abruptly from a deep sleep. The first thought that hit my mind was "I'm pregnant". But I still didn't want to believe it.

Long story short, I gave in and took a pregnancy test Wednesday morning at around 11:00 AM. It was a very strong positive.

So, I wasn't entirely incorrect - there is a mass growing inside my belly and sucking the life out of me. But it's not a tumor. It's a baby. YAY!

This pregnancy was completely unexpected and definitely a miracle. My only explanation is that God wanted this child to come to earth soon and he found a way to make it happen even though I am still completely dumbfounded as to how I could have gotten pregnant. Unlike my last pregnancy, I welcome this one. I'm excited and now that the nausea has passed, I feel fantastic! Just like I did when I was pregnant with my first child - a son. I have a very strong impression this is a boy. Either way, I'm ecstatic. This is definitely my last child. I wanted to wait one or two more years before I considered having my last baby, but I'm thinking this is probably a better scenario. I'm 33 1/2 already. I'm not getting any younger. Best get this done now before I get into the risky maternal age category. I always felt there was one more, so....here he/she comes.