Formalities

We live in a 1500 sq. ft. 1970's red brick home with very little updating.

I drive a 1999 dull brown minivan.

I sleep on two mattresses on the floor.

Our front entry table is an old weather-beaten brown desk covered in a satiny green tablecloth with a $5 knock-off Tiffany lamp and a 7-year-old, $7 silk flower bouquet.

Dinner is served anywhere between 5:30 and 8:00 PM, depending on the day, and is usually some cheap, easy recipe or fast food.

And yet, my 4 1/2-year-old conducts her business as though we lived in a palace.

Just this afternoon as I fed a Beech-Nut 3rd stage fruit medley lunch to Zander in his old plastic high chair that's been through two other children and is missing all buckle straps and the detachable tray, Sylvie-Faye approached me with her hands clasped behind her back and cleared her throat to get my attention.

I glanced at her and said, "Hi, Sylvie. What's up?"

SYLVIE: (Sighing) Mother, I came to tell you something very important.

ME: Okaaay.

SYLVIE: I was in my room and I was cleaning it and Chloe did something and I was very mad and I said, "I'm going to go tell mommy on you right now" and so I walked out of my room and I came down the hall and I found you in the kitchen feeding Zander and I came to tell on Chloe to you.

Just then Zander sneezed and a glob of food fell out of his mouth and onto his leg. He began poking it with his finger and playing with it. I wrinkled my nose and looked back at Sylvie.

ME: Okaaay.

SYLVIE: So now I'm coming to tell you that Chloe is doing something that is making me VERY mad.

ME: Uh huh....

SYLVIE: She is NOT cleaning her room. Just me. And so I told her that I was going to come and tell on her to you and so I got up and I came down the hall....wait...I - first I got up from the floor and then I walked (she performs a walking motion) down the hall and I was looking for you and I heard you in the kitchen talking to Zander and I came in here and I saw you feeding Zander and now I'm telling you about Chloe.

My jaw fell open slightly and I just sat there, dumb-struck.

I think that girl was meant to be royalty or something.