"Meow." That's what I say when I'm in a weird mood. I don't know why. It just comes out. Sometimes I drawl it out. Other times I just say it tonelessly.
A few years ago I lived out in Queen Creek and met and quickly became friends with a woman named Amanda. We're like twin sisters in another life. We look a lot alike and we have similar personalities and...basically we're the same person in two different bodies.
ANYWAY...so, we became so close that we kind of had our own special way of communicating. OK, it was just me. I'm a weirdo - that's the only difference between the two of us. I'm the weird twin.
Anytime I saw PRIVATE NAME/PRIVATE NUMBER on my caller ID, I knew it was her and I'd pick up the phone and say, "Meeoooow." She'd laugh every time, which is the main reason I did it, and then sometimes she'd either say "Meow" back or we'd jump into conversation.
During this period of time, we were working with an immigration attorney to obtain a Green Card for Bertrand so I wouldn't have to lock him in the attic to hide him from Sheriff Joe for being an illegal and we did all of our communication through e-mail and snail mail...unless I called his office to speak with him directly to ask a quick question.
One day around noon I received a call from PRIVATE NAME/PRIVATE NUMBER. I was in a particularly weird mood just then and smiled at the opportunity to express my weirdness to the one person who would understand. I picked up the phone and drawled the longest "Meeeeeeooooooow" I'd ever done. It was a new record for me.
There was no response.
I furrowed my brow and pulled the phone back to double check the caller ID, then placed the receiver back to my ear and said, "Meow?"
Suddenly I heard a man's throat clearing and a voice say, "Uhh...hello?"
I gasped and my eyes bugged out of my head. Reflexively I hung up the phone. My jaw dropped and I just sat there frozen. "Oh, crap! That was NOT Amanda. That was our immigration attorney!" I thought to myself in horror.
He was an old man on the verge of retirement and the word serious does not even do this man justice. I don't think a funny bone exists in that man's body. In fact, I believe him to be incapable of showing emotion PERIOD!
He didn't call back.
When I finally recovered from my shock, I dialed Amanda quick. She answered and I called out her name in desperation.
"What? No meow?" She laughed.
"Oh my gosh." The panic was evident in my voice.
"Are you OK? What's going on?" She sounded concerned.
"Uh...." I started in a shaky voice. "my lawyer just called and I thought it was you and I meowed into the phone and he didn't answer, so I meowed again and I heard him clearing his throat, so then I realized it was him and I hung up quick."
She immediately burst into a giggling fit, so I sat there, biting my lip, waiting for her to finish.
"Oh, THAT is hilarious!" She laughed again.
"No, it's not. I feel so stupid right now."
"Oh well", she attempted to console me. "He'll get over it."
We chatted for a few more minutes and then ended the conversation. I made a mental note to never meow into the phone again when PRIVATE NAME/PRIVATE NUMBER called.
The weeks passed and I continued receiving PRIVATE NAME/PRIVATE NUMBER calls from Amanda. I very quickly settled into my usual routine of meowing into the phone when she called. Old habits die hard.
Mid morning one day, as I sat typing medical reports, my phone rang. It was PRIVATE NAME/PRIVATE NUMBER again. I was only too happy to take a break from work and visit with my good friend. I decided to answer with a slight variation and barely squeaked a newborn kitten-sized "meow" into the phone.
There was no response.
I thought perhaps Amanda didn't hear me because the meow was so faint.
"meow" I squeaked again.
No response.
"meow.....meow......meow" I persisted.
Nothing.
I sat there in complete silence - just listening. There was no sound coming from the other end. I thought perhaps Amanda was teasing me, so I decided to say her name aloud, but right before I could get it out, I heard "H - hello?"
My eyes bugged out of my head again. I slapped my hand over my mouth to hold back the horrific sound that wanted to escape my mouth. It was my attorney - AGAIN!
I sucked in a quick breath, which immediately froze in the back of my throat. I sat there paralyzed, holding my breath, trying to think quick "Should I just say hello and explain that I meow into the phone when my friend calls and I thought it was my friend calling? Oh, no. I can't do that. He'll think I'm insane and he won't want to represent us anymore."
I hit "END" on the phone and slammed it down on my desk, then buried my head in my hands and groaned. "Oh my gosh. I'm an IDIOT!" As I sat there reprimanding myself under my breath, the phone began to ring again.
My head shot up and I hesitated before glancing over at the phone. PRIVATE NAME/PRIVATE NUMBER showed on the caller ID again.
I heaved a sigh and muttered, "Oh my gosh. OK, stay calm. Stay calm." I took a couple of deep breaths and then proceeded to answer with a normal "Hello?"
"Hey!" My friend Amanda answered in a cheery tone.
"Oh my gosh!" I breathed into the phone.
"Oh my gosh" she responded. "What's going on? Are you OK over there?"
"I did it again!" I cried.
"Did what?" She asked.
"I meowed into the phone when my attorney called." I groaned.
Dead silence.
"Amanda?" I asked; my voice cracking.
Dead silence.
"AMANDA?!" I called out.
Suddenly she made a noise like the dam just broke and the fits of laughter came flooding out.
I heaved a frustrated sigh. "It's not FUNNY!"
"Sorry. I'm trying so hard not to laugh because I can tell you're upset, but..." She burst yet another giggling fit.
"I'm seriously an idiot and I should not be allowed to use the phone anymore", I moaned.
"So, what are you gonna' do?" She asked, still laughing.
"Nothing." I replied tonelessly.
"Just call him back and tell him you didn't realize it was him." She advised, as though it was no big deal.
"Are you CRAZY?!?! I am NOT admitting to meowing like a cat into the phone! Not to HIM, anyway!"
After she got a few good laughs out and I groaned in agony a few more times, we ended our conversation and I attempted to return to my normal activity.
A little later in the afternoon, I received another PRIVATE NAME/PRIVATE NUMBER call.
As soon as I saw it on the caller ID I smiled with slight satisfaction. "Oh, I'm not falling for that again", I said aloud, then proceeded to answer.
"Hello, is Kristin Coppee there?" It was the attorney.
"Yes. This is she." I responded.
"H-hello. I, uh....I've been trying to reach you. I don't know what happened." He sounded completely flustered and disturbed, as though perhaps he feared he was going senile. "I've called your number here several times and....well....I'm really not sure what's happening."
"Oh?" I asked, as though I were completely clueless.
"Yes, well....I....I tried to dial you and it....uh....it sounded like a....well, I think it was a cat of some sort on the other end. I - I'm not sure...." He continued, sounding very concerned.
I curled my hand into a fist and shoved it in my mouth, biting down to suppress the giggling fit that was fighting to escape. The tears started to stream down my face, as the pressure built.
"H - h - hello?" The attorney asked after several seconds of silence had passed.
I removed my fist from my mouth, pulled the receiver away from my head and ground my teeth hard, shaking my head and fighting to think of something serious - ANYTHING - to not laugh. I COULD NOT LAUGH! I couldn't have him discovering my horrible secret - not NOW!
"Hello?" He repeated in a louder, more agitated tone. "Ms. Coppee, are you there? "
"Yes." I said in a very controlled tone, barely regaining my composure. "Sorry. I think my phone cut out."
He cleared his throat. "Yes, well, anyway....I must have dialed the wrong number and thought I was calling you."
"Oh," I responded, suddenly feeling a rush of relief. "Yes, that must have been what happened. How strange. I'm so sorry."
He remained silent a few seconds. "Yes....well....I'll have to double check my dialing. It was....very...very strange to hear a cat on the other end. I....can't imagine what I must have dialed."
I contorted my face and began tapping my fingers very aggressively into my forehead, trying to clear my mind and think of something serious, as the dam again threatened to burst and release a rush of laughter.
"Anyway", he continued. "Did you receive the latest packet I sent you with the questionnaire?"
"Yes!" I nearly shouted into the phone. "Yes, I got it and...." the words came rushing out in an effort to end this phone call as quickly as possible. The dam wasn't going to hold up much longer. ",..we will get that filled out and mailed back right away. In fact, we'll send it tomorrow."
I held my breath and waited for his response, silently praying that this phone call would end NOW!
"Very good. I will await the packet." He said in a very formal tone.
"Great. Thanks." I spit out.
"Ok, then. Have a nice day, Ms. Coppee."
"Ok, thanks. Bye."
I hung up the phone and the dam burst. I laughed so hard, I cried. After several minutes, the laughter calmed down and I began to regain my composure, only to recall the entire conversation and burst into a giggling fit again, this time falling to the floor, I was laughing so hard. Several minutes later I dialed Amanda as I gasped for air, trying to catch my breath back.
Needless to say, she had yet another good laugh at my expense.
I did finally learn my lesson, though. I have NEVER answered with a meow when the called ID says PRIVATE NAME/PRIVATE NUMBER since that day.
Thuper naughty!
Thus earning her the title "Grandma".
That woman is paying good money to resemble The Joker just to avoid being called "Grandma".
Thuper naughty!
Thus earning her the title "Grandma".
That woman is paying good money to resemble The Joker just to avoid being called "Grandma".
Vanessa Hudgens' fashion choices are apparently deciding this for the rest of the world and I'm thinking...
...a lot more guys are gonna' suddenly realize the importance of a college education in the next few months.
Vanessa Hudgens' fashion choices are apparently deciding this for the rest of the world and I'm thinking...
...a lot more guys are gonna' suddenly realize the importance of a college education in the next few months.
