The Stage Name...

...this is one of THE most important aspects of being a performer. You have GOT to have a cool name. Ever heard of Carey Grant? His real name was Archie Leach. No joke.

Tonight, as my husband and I were driving home from an evening out with the kids, we were listening to the radio (because that's all we've got going on right now in this '99 minivan), and I noticed that all of the songs were about "rock stars". First Pink with "So What I'm Still A Rock Star" played followed by Nickelback's "I Wanna Be a Rock Star". So I commented on that little observation and said, "Watch. They'll play that other rock star song by that one guy....oh, what's his name? Dang it."

BERT: Who?
ME: You know, that guy with the long, blond hair? He always wears the wife beaters. I can't stand that guy. Oh man! WHAT is his NAME!?
BERT: I don't know who you're talking about.
ME: You know? Pam Anderson dated him. They almost got married.
BERT: That doesn't help me. What are some of his songs?
ME: Oh! I can't think right now. The radio is distracting me. He wears hats like yours sometimes, honey. You know who I'm talking about? (Bert was wearing a fedora during this conversation, by the way)
BERT: Is his name Chris something?
ME: NO! No, it's not Chris.
BERT: Ummm.....(mumbling to self) Chris....Chris.....man!
ME: It's not Chris, Honey. It's not. I know it's not.
BERT: Hmm. Let me think. (Mumbling to self again) Chris....Chris....
ME: It's not CHRIS! (Laughing) It's not Chris at all. Not even close, Honey.

So? Are any of you readers figuring out yet who I'm talking about? I was going NUTS trying to remember this guy's name. I was ready to have Bert pull over to the side of the road just to ask some random person walking down the street because I was SURE they would know the answer.

Finally! Four streets away from home it hit me - the name.

ME: KID ROCK! It's Kid Rock!
BERT: Yeah! Okay. I knew it started with the K-sound.
ME: MAN! I'm so glad I finally figured that out! That was driving me NUTS!
BERT: I need a cool name.
ME: You mean like a stage name?
BERT: Yeah. What should I be called?
ME: How 'bout Frenchie?
BERT: Nah. Not that.
ME: Okay, how about....?
BERT: Something like Kid Rock, but not that.
ME: What's rock in French? Isn't it caillou? You should call yourself Kid Caillou! HAHA!
BERT: NO! (Getting agitated) That's not cool.
ME: Hmmm...you need something edgy. (Mumbling to self) Something edgy...

Suddenly we got a suggestion from the very back of the van.

SYLVIE: How 'bout Wedgie?
ME: YEAH! That's it! We'll call you Wedgie! Thank you, Sylvie.
SYLVIE: You're welcome.

Bertrand was not amused.