What Say You, Sylvie?

SYLVIE-FAYE: Mommy? What's dat, mommy? What's dat?

ME: That's your dinosaur, honey.

SF: What? He's in da twash, mommy.

ME: I know. I put him there, okay?

(Sylvie scowls at me and shifts from left to right to left)

ME: Mommy's cleaning. I'm throwing dinosaur away because you don't play with him.

SF: Well. You naked.

**Just for the record, I was not totally not naked. Not even close. It was like she was trying to insult me with that because she was mad that I was throwing away her dinosaur toy. Yes, you read that correctly. The dinosaur was actually hers. No, I did not buy it for her. Somebody gave it to her because she really wanted it. Anyway, I'm doing some major cleaning out in their room and dinosaur was just part of the mess. She wasn't playing with him anymore.


ME: Something smells like bubble gum. Who smells like bubble gum?

SF: Well. I not, mommy. It's Chwoe.

ME: Chloe smells like bubble gum?

SF: Yeah. Chwoe do dat.

ME: Chloe did what?

SF: Chwo eat mommy's gub gum. (Turning to Chloe and pointing a scolding finger) No Chwoe, okay? No do dat mommy's gub gum. Want spankings? Huh? Wanna go time out?

CHLOE: NO! NO!

ME: Come here, Sylvie.

SF: What?

ME: Somethings bulging in your pocket. Come here.

I discover an entire pack of gum in there, which has been opened and a couple of pieces are missing.

SF: What's dat, mommy? That's gub gum.

ME: Yeah. That's mommy's. Where did you get that from ?

SF: Well...I not sure.

ME: You're not sure.

SF: Umm...Chwoe do dat.

I go to my stash cupboard (I've replaced candy with sugar free gum in all flavors, which entices the toddler). I open my stash cupboard wide.

ME: Is this where you got mommy's gum?

SF: Uh....YEAH! Dat's mommy's gum. Sylbie no touch it, okay?

ME: Sylvie-Faye Coppee! You ask mommy. You don't get into mommy's gum, okay? If you ask me, I'll give you a piece.

SF: Okay, mommy. (Raising her hand and staring intently as she tries to hold up fingers and count) I do one, two, free, four times and dat's all, okay mommy?

ME: No. You don't do two, three or four more times. You don't do it anymore.

SF: O! K!

ANNOUNCER: "The Heroes Have Entered The Building. I repeat. The HEROES have ENTERED the building."

Look at that! I can't compete. He is like their hero or something. He comes home from school and they just squeal and jump him every time. Look at Chloe just adoring him off to the side.

And then there's Papa! Chloe is actually crying because she has to share him with Sylvie. She hates when Sylvie gets to get picked up too. They want him all to themselves.

Nobody wants me....except when they need something.

Not So Random

I've been tagged. I apologize. I must give 8 random facts. And you all must suffer through one more round of randomness. However, I'm really not that exciting. Not very random. My life is pretty mundane and predictable, though I do try to make certain choices to throw things off a bit just for fun. THAT was random. Let's call that number one. And no, I won't go into detail.

2. I love dark hair and dark skin. Really wish I could have had that naturally. Instead I must dye my hair and sunbathe and explain to strangers on a regular basis that YES, the girls are in fact my biological children even though their coloring is NOTHING like mine because I'M TOTALLY FAKE! (All right. Got a little carried away there. Anyway....where was I....ah yes..)

3. I'm going to make a movie someday with James McAvoy. I know. Totally random. I'm not even in the movie making business. Not even close. But I will. Just watch. It's not IF, people. It's WHEN. Keep watchin'.

4. I used to wear wigs and go out on the town and put on an accent and pretend to be someone else. If you know me well, this doesn't surprise you. I KNOW! I should TOTALLY have gone into acting. I'm still going to. Check out #3.

5. My wedding ring is totally fake. HA! And I can't stop telling people that. My husband hates that I do that, but I think it's awesome. My ring is like HUGE! Totally fake. I mean, come on. I drive a Hyundai Elantra. Why would I have a REAL 5 carat ring? Seriously! I'm sorry, but when a doctor's wife complains that her ring is smaller than mine, I can't just stand there and pretend like it's true that her husband is a cheapskate, even though he probably is because most doctors are. But anyway, I can't let her go home and make her husband feel bad. My ring is FAKE! Just like me.

Oh thank goodness we're almost done with this torture. Are you hanging in there? You're still reading this? All righty then - I'm bringin' it. Here we go.

6. I love the color purple. A lot. BORING! I know. But there's more. One day I read an article that this lady loved pink so much that she dyed her white cat pink. So the other day I was like driving down the road listening to "Muse", which totally inspires me to write lately. But also, it inspired me to want to buy a little white dog or cat or something and like dye it purple. But then I was like, "Well, how would I do that? Because I think that lady did it with Kool-Aid, but then wouldn't that make the cat be all sticky and stuff? That's no good. The cat will just lick it off. I guess I could use food coloring. Wait. Is that safe? Aw, who cares. I can't believe I just spent 10 minutes of my day thinking about that. Never mind". The idea seemed fun, though....for about 10 minutes.

By the way, in case you're wondering - no. I'm not doing drugs right now. This is how my mind works and you're the innocent victim getting a, most likely, unwanted peek inside the madness.

7. If I could have a super power, it would be to become invisible so I could spy on people and not be seen. Okay, if you've had this conversation with me before, I said a totally different answer - the one I always use because it's safe - "I wish my super power was to be able to see the future because I'd find out the winning lottery numbers and WIN!" Sounds safe enough, doesn't it? But here's the awful truth - I am a voyeur. People fascinate me and I like to watch them. I wish I could be invisible and just stare at people and they wouldn't even know I was there. (I'm doing an evil laugh right now. You should be very afraid of me). It's totally true - I would rather spy on people than win the lottery and be rich. CRAZY!

8. I always wanted to be a goth chick. I just thought it would be cool. One of my good friends told me once that she's a former goth chick and I didn't believe her because she doesn't seem the type. Not at all. But she was. And now I'm kind of bummed I didn't get to have that phase. I think it's kinda too late for me now. I mean, I have kids and stuff. And also I'm 32. That's kind of lame. Maybe for Halloween....or not. I think I embarrass my kids. Well, not the 1 and 2-year-old. They don't know any better. But the 11-year-old....yeah! Definitely.

Oh, would you look at that! I gotta go. It's like 9:40 PM on a Saturday night and I totally need to go grocery shopping. Can't be breaking Shabbat now, can we? Nope. Not me. Have a good one. Hope you enjoyed the insanity. Buh bye now.

**Disclaimer: I was totally joking. This whole post was a joke.

What? You don't believe me? Oh. Okay then. Never mind. It was all true. I'm just feeling a little vulnerable, that's all. No big deal, though. We're all freaks, right? At least I admit it. Right? Hello? Okay, I'm thinking I should probably hide out for a few weeks. Let this all just pass.

Happy Sabbath To You Too!

Sylvie-Faye is quite the character. Lately she's been spewing out a few phrases that I'd like to be able to blame on other children or television or....just anything else besides the ugly truth - it came from me.

Here comes the big defense: Sometimes both girls scream and we're in the car, which is small and it echoes and they won't stop, so I have to resort to shouting "Shut up! That's enough! Shut up right now or I'm pulling over and you're getting spanked". Not only does this work, but unfortunately it's the only thing I've found that seems to work. My girls know I mean business, so when I threaten to pull over and spank, it's gonna happen no matter what. Now, you may be thinking, "Well, why don't you just say 'be quiet' or something like that?" Believe me. I've tried. 'Be quiet' doesn't work. 'Shut up' does.

SO, the other day Sylvie-Faye said, "Shabbat". I said, "What did you say?" She became sheepish and mumbled "Shabbat". I was mortified. I thought, "Oh no, my sweet little toddler is saying horrible things". I hyperventilated a little bit and felt really guilty. Then I stopped and thought for a second and said, "Wait a minute. What did you say, Sylvie?" She said, "Shabbat, mommy!"

"OOOOHHHH!" I replied. "SHABBAT. Now that's different. That's not shut up. That's shabbat, which in Jewish means happy Sabbath. Now THAT's okay to say". So now when she says, "Shabbat" I just reply with, "Happy Sabbath to you too, my friend". Man, that girl is smart! I did not know she was learning Jewish too! Wow!

Monkey! WHAT have you DONE?!?!?!

WARNING: I'm just gonna' tell you right now - this is NOT for the weak of stomach. And you should definitely not be eating while reading this blog. So, if you're sitting there, having a little snack, or eating your breakfast or lunch in front of your computer and just checking out some blogs for fun, this is not the blog to check out today.

Okay, now that you have been fairly warned - let us proceed.

When our kids reach a certain age, we take them to a store with stuffed animals and let them loose. They roam the store and make a selection. This then becomes their animal for life. The reason we let them do this is because we've found (just in our personal experimentations) that our kids are drawn towards the animal which best represents their personality and then we can study that animal and find out how best to deal with our kids. I never thought of this idea with John, therefore he does not have an animal attachment.

With Sylvie-Faye, she chose a cat. I thought "She's only 1 year old. She can't possibly know what she wants." I took the cat away and put it back. We tried for the next 10-15 minutes to get her interested in something else, but to no avail. She wanted that cat and to this day, has not let go of it. That cat is her constant companion. The cat no longer looks like the beautiful ball of fluff in the picture above. It's been with her for 1 1/2 years and it's pretty mangy because those two do EVERYTHING together.

We've noticed that Sylvie is like a cat. She loves to cuddle up and cozy her face into your neck and purr, but other times she wants to be left alone and keep to herself. And if she's trying to get somewhere or do something and you try and stop her, she hisses and scratches and puts up a terrible fight. Also, she loves fish and milk, hates baths and will only let you groom her when she's in the mood for it.

Next came Chloe. Sometime around her first birthday we took her to the Phoenix Zoo. As I'm sure you know, they have vendors all over that place with stuffed animals of all kinds for sale. We took Chloe around the zoo and introduced her to nearly every stuffed animal they had. She made her selection and, once again, we tried to take it away from her and get her interested in something else, but she always went back to that particular animal. It's what she wanted and to this day she has not let go of it. It has become her constant companion.....and her partner in crime.

And this is where our horrific tale begins.

This week, the girls have had to stay home with me. Their caregiver has had Strep throat visiting and then my girls became ill themselves, so we all had to stay home together.

One late morning, I put Chloe down for her nap...with her monkey...as usual. But this was no ordinary day.

All was still. All was quiet. And this lasted a good two hours.

Suddenly I heard talking, very soft, gentle cooing, some faint little squeals. But no crying. No "Mommeeeee", which is usually what she says when she's awake and ready to get out of bed. I let her play a while, but then I decided she needed to get up, so I slowly opened the door and peeked in. The smell just about knocked me back out into the hallway.

I opened the door completely and walked in, squinting at the floor beside her crib. The girls' room is always an absolute disaster, so it's hard to tell what things are sometimes. As I crept closer, I realized....

There were little turds all over the carpet. "OH MY GOSH! That is DISGUSTING!" I cried. "Chloe! What did you do? Why is there poop on your floor?"

I jumped up and looked in on her in the crib. Her hands, hair, nails, bed, walls were covered in poop. The smell was unbearable. She could see that I was upset, so she jumped up, ran to the corner of her crib farthest from me and hid her face.

"Did you do this, Chloe?" I exclaimed. Now you're probably thinking, "Duh. Of course she did it. Why would you even ask her that?"

That's when she peeked out from the corner and pointed her long, skinny finger at the real culprit.

MONKEY!! As you can see from this picture, the evidence is blatantly obvious. Monkey has been caught at the scene of the crime...checking out his handiwork.

Bad, Bad Monkey! Monkey had to go away for a while (okay, just to the washing machine with all of the other bedding covered in feces). Chloe went into a temporary state of depression without her sidekick, but monkey soon returned - clean and fresh and ready to get into more trouble.

Oh, and by the way - Chloe loves to eat bananas, she has long skinny arms and legs, which she wraps around your body when you hold her, and her favorite pastime seems to be jumping up and down on beds and screeching....like a monkey.

F.H.E.

F.H.E. What does it mean? Well, being raised in the church, we were all taught it meant Family Home Evening, but I have a few other ideas about what these letters stand for.

1. Five Hundred Excuses why it's not a good night, not a good time. Somebody's always too tired or too busy or too annoyed by someone else to have a nice family night.

2. Flippin' Hilarious Episodes like on this particular night where we had a nice little lesson on being clean and cleaning up after ourselves. And then we played Hide and Go Seek. Just one time. We live in 1500 sq. ft. and there's five of us, so after one round, we've run out of spaces to hide. But that one round is pretty fun. And then....the grand finale - the moment our 2-year-old couldn't stop talking about all night until we finally sat down to do it - the strawberry dipping in chocolate. I splurged a tiny bit and bought a little pack of three different chocolates to dip strawberries in. So we had a taste testing.

As usual, Chloe dipped her strawberry in chocolate and then closed her eyes, tilted her head back and rubbed her chocolate-covered strawberry all over her face and hair while she cooed. It's like...her little happy place or something. Anyone remember the scene from Billy Madison where Miss Lippy is dancing around alone in the classroom, humming and smearing mayo all over her face while the kids are out at recess? Well, Chloe enjoys that type of activity. She finds great pleasure in smothering herself in whatever we're eating.

So we all started laughing because it's pretty funny when she does it. Chloe always just stares at us all curiously. She doesn't understand what we're laughing about. So I grabbed my camera quick and snapped away - trying to capture the moment. Then I sat back and watched my children - enjoying our good time together. That's when I noticed something was missing. I had purchased a pack of THREE, yet there were only TWO types of dipping chocolate - the double chocolate delight and orange chocolate. The amaretto was missing. That's when I noticed something else was missing. I glanced about the room and...

There he was - hiding in a corner of the kitchen. I asked him what he was doing as I moved in for a closer look. He was slurping something down by the spoonful. That's right - the amaretto chocolate. Nice, honey.

Trying to find a lesson and activity to keep my husband, pre-teen and two toddlers interested for more than 2 minutes leaves me...

3. Frazzled. Haggard. Exhausted.

A Doll's Life

Check it out. I make this bed like five times a day. I'm not kidding. It's so annoying. I don't even have time to make my own bed, I'm always making theirs. And they just sit on their bed like that, pretty much all day. Just talking about what they're gonna' do that day because neither one of 'em works. I don't know where they get all their money (probably in the stock market or something - the mom needs to use some of it to get that mane tamed). Anyway, the fact is they do pretty well for themselves. Look, they've got some human giant cleaning their house more than once a day. I mean, that can't be cheap.

The One and ONLY Kristin Coppee

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

I love it! NOBODY has my name. So, if you ever hear the name Kristin Coppee, they're talking about me!

Patty Cake Patty Cake (The Remix)

Daddy's working a full day today. It's Saturday. It started out sad, but then I saw this as an opportunity to spend some quality time with my Sylvie-Faye since Chloe is down for a nap and John is gone to scout camp. My kids don't get a lot of attention during the week because Bertrand and I work so much, so getting some one-on-one time during the weekends with each child is a real treat. First we enjoyed a little ice cream with a movie.

Then I thought, "I wonder if she knows Patty Cake. I've never taught it to her, but I wonder if she picked it up from somewhere else yet?" So I asked her if she wanted to play it and she drew in a deep breath, her eyes got big and she said, "YEAH MOMMY!" She was so excited, so I thought, "Oh. Cool. She knows it."

We sat across from each other and clapped our hands together. I started to say it with her, but she clapped her hand over my mouth and said, "No mommy. Sylbie do it, okay?" So I said, "Okay" and let her go to town.

Here's how it went:

Patty Cake. Patty Cake. (incoherent mumbling)

(Then we skip ahead)

Roll it. Roll it. Roll it. Roll it. Roll it. (At this point, her eyes crossed and she got this kind of blank stare, obviously mesmerized by the movement of her arms rolling over one another)

(So I prompted - "Mark it with a B")

(Then Sylvie jumped up in the air and threw her hands up)

WIGGA WIGGA MIGGA WIGGA MIGGA MIGGA WIGGA WIGGA!

"Yay mommy! I do it! Sylbie do it!"

I was laughing so hard I cried. Sylvie got a curious look on her face and cocked her head to one side.

"What mommy?"

I continued laughing, so she grabbed my face with both hands.

"Mommy. Mommy. What mommy?"

I said, "You're just so cute, Sylvie. That's what", to which she simply replied, "Oh".

Then she jumped up and down and said, "Again, mommy! Again!"

I wish I knew where our video camera was at that moment. Hopefully sometime this weekend and I can capture it on film.

Still Not Photogenic

Well, it's been several months since I last posted extremely unflattering photos of my beautiful young ladies and lamented that we are just not photogenic. I decided to check in now and see if our condition has improved any. As you can see from the photo, it has not. In fact, the condition has progressed quite rapidly and I'm afraid it's become terminal. I fear we are non-photogenic for life. A cure has not yet been found. But we are keeping the faith, my friends. Please, we beg of you, at this very difficult time in our lives, if you have any spare change and you're looking to donate to a charity, please donate to THE CURE FOR EXTREMELY NON-PHOTOGENIC PEOPLE charity. It's for a good cause. Do you want to see this young lady in the photo above suffer like this for the rest of her life? Please, people. Donate. Do it now. Pick up that phone and dial.

Happy Tax Day!

So, here's a fun little tax day story for ya'. I tried to e-file my taxes and the IRS rejected it because they said that all three of my children have already been claimed as dependents by someone else.

All of 'em. And so I'm sitting here, scratching my head wondering if maybe Bertrand isn't the real father after all. I mean, I know John has a different father and obviously he's decided he should get to claim him, but my other two? What, did he claim them too?

To say I'm annoyed right now is a gross understatement. Last year the IRS wouldn't send us our check because they claimed I hadn't filed taxes for three consecutive years. I dug up the old returns and proved them wrong and then got to wait a few more months extra to get my check.

Thank you IRS. You're lovely. Just lovely. You make tax time extra special for me every year and now I feel like I need to give back. How can I give back to the IRS? Hmmmm......I'm working on that one.

My Latest Feat

I started a new blog on the side. It's called NO MORE SODA EVER. Check it out. I'm linked up to it. I'm on a crusade, my people. I hope you'll join me.

A Day In The Life

Welcome. We're so glad you could join us today.

Now please. Sit back. Relax. And join us in the celebration....

of MOTHERHOOD!

YAAAAY!

WOO HOO!

AWESOME!


EVEN BETTER!

SF: Mommy, want dink.

M: Oh my gosh! This is like your fifth drink in the last half hour! I'm getting you one more and that's it! No more! OK?

SF: O-K! MOMMY!

(Phone ringing)

M: Hello?

L: Hi. This is ____ from Dr. ____'s office. We have an emergency report we need you to type up ASAP.

M: Okay. I'll get right on that.

L: Okay. Great. We're watching for it to come over the FAX machine. The doctor needs it right away.

M: Yeah. Okay. No problem.

(Phone hangs up)

M: Now. Where was I? Ah yes. The hallway mess. I wonder if my vacuum can suck all of those big pretzels up. All I know is I am NOT getting on my hands and knees and picking each one of those up individually, so this better work.

(Vacuum turns on and starts to suck up the pretzel mess. Suddenly it stops.)

M: What? No. Did I just break the vacuum? Great. Just great.

SF: Hi mommy.

M: (Sighs) Sylvie-Faye! I should have known it was you.

SF: S'all done, mommy. S'all done.

M: No, Sylvie, it's not all done. Please give me that cord, so I can plug it back in.

(Phone ringing)

M: Hello?

L: Hi. This is __________ calling from Dr. ______'s office. We got your husband's culture results back. He has an infection called MRSA. It's deadly and highly contagious, so you'll want to sanitize your entire house, not sleep in the same bed with your husband and try to keep contact with him to a minimum.

M: Oh my gosh. Really?

L: Yes. I'm calling in a prescription for him right away. You need to pick it up ASAP and have him start taking it right now.

M: Okay.....thanks....I guess.

(Phone hangs up)

M: Oh my gosh. I can't deal with that right now. I'm completely overwhelmed. I need to get that report done. They're waiting at that other office.

SF: Mommy, want more dink.

M: OH MY GOSH! NO!

SF: MOMMY! WANT DINK!

M: NO!

SF: SYLBIE WANT DINK WIGHT NOW!

M: MOMMY WANT SYLBIE GO NIGH NIGHT!

SF: No!

M: Yes!

SF: Aaaaaaahhhhhh!

M: AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

M: That's it! Where's the phone?

(Dialing) - Beep Beep Bop Bo Beep Bop Boop!

Ring. Ring………Ring Ring…….

D: Hello?

M: You need to come home right now!

D: Why?

M: It's the children!

D: What happened?

M: Nothing yet, but if you don't get home in thirty minutes, you're gonna' be walking into a live taping of CSI.

D: (Sighs) Hold on a sec. (Turns to boss) I need to go home. My wife is losing her mind.

BOSS: Your wife is always losing her mind.

D: I know. I know. But at least she's consistent. That's a good quality, right?

BOSS: (Scratching his goatee) Hmmm….good point. OK. Go on home.

D: Okay. I'm coming home right now.

M: 30 minutes.

D: I'm coming as fast as I can.

M: 30 MINUTES!

D: I can't control traffic, babe. It might be a mess out there on the freeway.

M: 30 MINUTES OR IT'S CSI! YOUR CHOICE! Oh, and by the way, I just got a phone call from the doctor's office. You're dying of MRSA and you need to start the antibiotic ASAP.

D: Oh my gosh! Are you serious?

M: It depends. Will it help you get home any faster?

D: Uhhh. Wow. I don't know what to say. I'm completely in shock. Am I really going to die? Is that what they said?

M: Hey, we're all gonna' die eventually, ok? Just - for you it's coming a lot faster.

D: Oh my gosh. I'm gonna die.

M: Yep. You're gonna die. The children are gonna die. We're all gonna die. So, hurry up and get home so we can get on with it already, okay?

D: Uhhh…..okaaay.

M: Great. See you in 30.

Click.

You have just witnessed a day in the life of Kristin "Psycho Serial Killer in the Making" Coppee.

It's ON, Donkey Kong!

Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

These two were like best friends forever!

Until this thing came along (cue Psycho theme)

Eww. Stop it. Nobody wants to see that. Trust me. Have you read the tabloids lately? Well...you should. Nobody likes you, Spencer. Go away! Nobody likes you either, Heidi, so wipe that smug grin off your face.

Ew! OK. That's not helping either! I don't know what's worse. Couldn't you at least kiss Brody Jenner for this blog post? (Scoffing) Whatever! Who cares. Anyway...

So, they were all possibly friends again...until the moment we've all been dreading arrived - they both decided to become fashion designers! AT THE SAME TIME! (Turn up the volume on the psycho music). They each chose different methods for design and the battle between Heidi Montag and Lauren Conrad was on! (Brace yourselves)

HM: I like totally know what girls want to wear. Even though you hardly ever see me wearing clothes in public, I know about clothes because I shop. A lot. And I just like know what people want and I want the....poor, like lower class kind of people to be able to look good too, so I'm selling a line of clothes that looks like everything else out there . But I'm putting my name on it, so people are gonna' totally buy it because I'm cool. Just ask Spencer.

LC: Oh yeah? Well, my designs are so much better. Mine are high fashion. I've been to Paris.

HM: What? You switched sides? OMG! Does Brody know?

LC: Not that Paris, idiot!

LC: Yeah! That one...with the Awful or Eiffel Tower thingy. I can't remember.

HM: Did you just say Awful Tower? OMG! Who's the idiot now?

LC: Shut up! I'm LC from the Hills. I know what I'm talking about.

HM: Oh yeah? You think people are going to take you seriously after that totally gross outfit you wore? Were you wrestling someone at a trailer park after the Disney event or what? I mean, seriously! What is up with that?

LC: Whatever, Heidi! We all saw your skanky music home video that your ugly chipmunk boyfriend made. You know, the one where you had lots of studio tweaking on the vocals and you still sounded like a dying animal thingy taking its last breath?

LC: Oh, by the way, I made this on my lunch break. It's my favorite picture. It's a dinosaur eating you, but then he spit you back out because you taste like Bree (it's a cheese from France that totally tastes like stinky feet. Bet you didn't know that, bimbo!) Anyway, you can have it. Happy Birthday.

Ladies! Ladies! Neither one of you knows what you're talking about! Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pride that I introduce the latest, most cutting edge designer of the century!

House of Sylvie!

This year florals and Dora shoes are in! Here, she's paired a lovely pink flowered, flannel pajama-style leisure suit with a blue crocheted cap and....of course...the MUST HAVE of the season - Dora crocs.

Oh, and pink ballet slipper shoes go with EVERYTHING this season. Yes, I said everything. Here, Sylvie-Faye shows us her bold sense of style when she dresses up a pair of pajamas with those pink slipper shoes and voila! She's ready to hit the town.

I love, love, LOVE this ad campaign, by the way. It's very Calvin Klein.

Hold Up! One Sec!

I'm having a Jason Behr moment.

Dear Jason,

I'm your biggest fan. (No. No. Everybody says that) Let's try this again.

Dear Jason,

I fall asleep thinking about you. In fact, I wake up thinking about you. I think about you while I'm typing my boring reports all day long (sigh).....DANG IT! No! That will never do! Too creepy. He's going to get a restraining order on me for sure.

Jason,

Hang in there. You've done a lot of movies lately, but they've all been crap! Pure crap! At least it's kept you busy and paid some bills (Although your comment that you'd pay to be in a movie if the story was good has me worried. No. I shouldn't worry. The stories weren't good in any of those so you couldn't possibly have paid). Anyway, just wanted to drop you a line quick and let you know that I have been working on a script for the last six weeks and I think it's really good and of course you'll be starring in it. So, have no fear - I am doing what any good American would do - (spending my free time trying to get you A-listed, silly. No, YOU'RE silly! Oh yeah? Well you're sillier! You're the silliest. Ok. Stop it! I have to get back to my letter) Don't get your hopes up too high, though. I'm a nobody and I haven't found an agent yet to help me sell my script. But, the important thing is, I'm trying....

OK. And also I'm your biggest fan! I love you, Jason Behr! (Sorry, couldn't resist).

Love,

Your biggest fan ever! XOXOXO

(Sigh) Ok. I'm good to go for another week. Sorry for the interruption.

Now, where was I?

Ah yes - making fun of my kids.

When The House Gets Quiet...(All you moms out there know what's coming next)

Recently, the house was so still one morning, I could hear the fruit fly in the kitchen....ok, maybe not THAT still, but so quiet, it was scary. Oh, and yes - we have a resident fruit fly. He's been around for a week now. (If you're the landlord reading this - I know, I know - no pets allowed. Trust me, this wasn't planned. It's not like we went to the pet store and intentionally picked him up. He smuggled himself in on a banana from Mexico or something.) Anyhoo, I laid his brother out between my bare hands the other day. It wasn't pretty...unless you like the color reddish-brown...with a little green...and also....ok - too graphic and I'm getting off the subject.

So, I begin my ritual of scouring the house as quickly as possible. I always start in the front room because...well, it's at the front of the house. It just makes sense. So, I arrive and find John has built a beautiful robot...man...thingy out of the soft blocks. Pretty cool. I stopped to admire it. Then it hit me. I still haven't found the girls and the house is still very quiet. Not a good sign.

Alas! The fair maiden, Chloise (pronounced Klo-eeze) was sitting in a corner on her tuffet (not eating curds and whey like the nursery rhyme, though. Sorry to disappoint). My sweet baby girl was reading a book....alone....in a corner of John's room. Told ya' my girls love books. I lieth not. I sighed a huge sigh of relief. No swishing in the toilets with the hands. No pulling all of mommy's shoes out of the cubbies and dispersing them about the house. No painting baby sister's face with mommy's nail polish. WHEW! No major catastrophes today!

Well, except for maybe this getup. I've seen worse, but this was pretty grotesque. First of all - it's not swimming season. (Your lack of season recognition is an insult to this household, Miss Coppee!) And secondly, that swimsuit is way too small. I can almost see your 'squito bites'. It's like that neighbor we had when we were kids who would mow the lawn in his British flag Speedo. (We called him 'species', remember?) Not a pretty sight. And the Dora shoes are NOT helping! The only thing that could make this outfit right would be to wrap your food-encrusted blankie around yourself and accent it somehow with the mangy cat (which smells of stale ketchup, by the way). If they ever do a reality show about fashion UNconscious families - we'll be on for sure.

If Only It Were THIS Difficult To Get ME To Eat!

Feeding time is so annoying around our house. First of all, Sylvie-Faye just doesn't want to eat anymore. Well, I shouldn't say she doesn't want to eat at all. The truth is, she wants to eat, but only if she can walk around the house and also it has to be either chocolate, candy, ice cream, pockaple (popsicle) or pop.

I have tried so many different tactics to get her to eat and I finally found one that works. Sylvie-Faye is really into monsters and being scared lately, so if I pretend like the food is a poor, innocent little creature and she's the monster, she'll eat it and growl afterwards. I have to scream in a high-pitched voice and say, "No. Please. Don't eat me. Don't eat me" and then Sylvie growls, "I monster. I eatchoo." She then bites the eating utensil as hard as she can, takes the food from it and growls like a monster. It's....lovely that my little girl acts this way at the table.

Then there's Chloe who doesn't need me anymore. She thinks she's all grown up and can do it all herself. She likes to feed herself and I know, she's 14 months old now. I should let her learn these things, but it makes such a mess. It's a battle every time, so I have to put the food on a spoon or fork and hand it to her. She feeds it to herself.

Today at lunch, the monster tactic wasn't working anymore, so my sweet boy, John, stepped in and said, "Mom, I can get her to eat". He ran to his room and pulled out a book about elves. Then he sat down and read the first page to Sylvie. My girls LOVE having stories read to them, so she was excited and listened to the first page. Then John turned to her and said, "Do you want to see the next page?" Sylvie said, "Yes!" So John said, "OK. Take a bite of food and I'll read the next page." Sylvie said "No." John said, "OK. No story then". Then Sylvie screamed. John said, "You want a story?" Sylvie said, "Yeah".

So John fed her a bite of food and proceeded to read the next page. This continued on for the 13-page book. A very long and painful process, but hey - she ate - the whole bowl of food. Hooray! It's ridiculous the hoops we jump through to get her to eat. I really wish it were this difficult for me. I'd look fantastic!

Tagged Again!

As if my last tag response wasn't scary enough, I've been tagged again. This time Koe wants to know 7 random and weird facts about me. In my opinion, all facts about me are random and weird, but here goes - this is probably the easiest tag I've ever had....or not. I have to tag 7 people? I don't know that many people. AAAHHH!! Okay, I'll try.

Here's the rules:

Once you are tagged, link back to the person who tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Post 7 random or weird facts about yourself on your blog.
Tag 7 people and link to them.
Comment on their blog to let them know they have been tagged.

Seven Random or Weird Facts About Me:

1. I don't clean my house. Not ever. My husband does.

2. I believe in aliens, but not dinosaurs, which is funny because supposedly there is solid proof of dinosaurs, but no real solid proof of aliens. I just don't believe the museum exhibits and scientific studies. I don't know why.

3. I met my husband for the first time on my wedding day. The marriage was arranged. By me and him. lol.

4. I have a hard time looking at people when they talk to me. I have been doing medical transcription for ten years and I zone out while I type, so I've trained my eyes to not focus on anything, so now when I have to, it takes hard work and concentration. I notice this problem the most when people are talking to me and I have to look at them. It's very difficult. My eyes wanna cross and stare off into space.

5. Like my friend who tagged me, I also like to pick my kids' noses, particularly my 1-year-old, Chloe's. She has the crusties in the morning and I like to dig them out. It's therapeutic.

6. I write music as a hobby, which I'm trying to make into a living, but I can only get inspired to write when I'm really tired, hot and sweaty and my heart is pounding really fast. I kind of go into this weird, hallucinogenic state and the words and music just come to me. It's the ONLY way I can write. So, I have to either go work out hard at the gym or take a hot bath - so hot that it kind of burns me, and I sit in it and sweat and start to lose my mind.

7. My family nicknamed me Frass, which somebody looked up one time years ago and found out that frass is actually the scientific term for caterpillar poop. Coincidence? I'll never know.

Ok, now I tag:

*Margo
*Michelle
*Audrey
*Disco Boy
*Superman
*Ashley
*Katie

Weekend Getaway

Our friends, the Crandells invited us to Sedona this weekend to stay in their vacation property and it was AMAZING! Sedona is so gorgeous! Our camera doesn't even do it justice. We seriously need to buy a better digital camera. One that can zoom. But, out of 50 bazillion pictures, this was the best one I got of Sedona.

The Crandell's vacation home is....WOW! It was pure luxury. We stayed with them in a three-bedroom condo with two family rooms, TVs in every room,

huge showers in the three bathrooms.

A gorgeous full kitchen complete with every appliance and dish you could possibly need,

and, most importantly - jacuzzi tubs in every room. I never got to use it, but John John did twice and he said it was AWESOME, so I'm going to take his word for it.

We arrived Friday evening and Saturday morning, we took a drive to the snow. The snow was so thick and fresh that with each step we took, we were in up to our knees, so we found this "island" - a picnic table out under the trees and we all stood on it and watched the brave ones make snowmen and throw snowballs.

Look at this handsome little dude. This is the Crandells' son. Their only boy.....so far. He's such a little stud in that leather jacket. Chloe had a thing for him.

Our friends, the Worthens, were invited up too. Here's Dave Worthen with Bertrand.

And here's Jenn Crandell and I stranded on the picnic table with our babies. I say "stranded" because we found ourselves caught in the snowball fight crossfire, but in order to get back over to that camper and truck behind us (mostly hidden by the wall o' snow) we'd have to trek back in snow up to our knees carrying babies. We fell a few times. We were soaking wet, but we had a blast.

John enjoyed the snowball fights. It was hard to get a close up of him because he was always off in the distance, running behind trees and pelting people.

Here's a couple of his victims. Alec looks like he's in pain.

Miranda was a good sport.

Margo was the photographer most of the time, but we found someone willing to stop pelting everyone with snowballs long enough to snap a picture. Chloe enjoyed just being held and watching all of the action.

Sylvie enjoyed sucking the snow off of her mittens.

But the best part.....

Was at the end of the day when the kids passed out so the adults could play.

It's divine. I LOVE looking at my kids when they sleep....so peaceful.

This was the best sleep they've all had in a long time!

It was a great weekend! A much needed break! Thank you, Crandells, for inviting us to indulge in the luxury of one of your vacation homes.